Man, Woman and SEX | LIFE | Rationalising Emotions

I typically don't spend much time in deciding title for a blog, post, story or even the book. Whatever comes to my mind when I'm in the flow of typing, goes into it. But this one, I thought for a while - and thats why there are possible titles of this post - separated by '|'.

I was talking to a lady this weekend, and that conversation made me think of writing this post. In fact, she wanted me to write.

She shared with me that every time she wants to feel romantic, or have a desire of being felt special, it stressed her out - as probably she lives in a fear of the possibility of those desires not being met - or if they may sound silly etc.

I though of it for a while. Probably it is true. We grow up with absorbing a thought that man proposes the women with flowers etc, on his knees and all those romantic lines that we enjoy while watching a romantic movie or by reading a romantic love story. We dramatise love to an extent that Romeo-Juliot, become our role models.

But life and people are not like that, so in real life, many such things don't happen. May times, love becomes 'nice to have' that a 'must have' emotion - and rationally speaking that must be causing some conflict in what we get/give, as to what we perceive it to be 'ought to'.

A friend of mine once said, "Marriage is just a system, to ensure that the next generation is born and be taken care of."

I guess its true, but probably, we still are figuring out the final of life that we live - I start talking about my favourite example of evolution - as starting from the stone age till now we are just figuring out 'to be'. 

We live, try enjoying the life, but also face hurdles/problems, and do something to solve them to improve the quality of life. 

We live in a society, and have many relationships, and there are appropriate take-and-give with each relationship we share. Some relations may not be perfect, but we with live without them, or make them better etc.

If one goes deeper in understanding all these relationships, I understand, relationships are created more of functional existence of society. But, the 'love' relationship between a man and woman is what creates a new life though a process called SEX.

Further, SEX is not just something we rationally do, to create a new life, we do enjoy it as well. There is so much of research and literature on making it fulfilling.

And this lady - that I referred to in the beginning of my post - feels stressed about when she thinks of being fulfilled. 

I think about it - why?

Is it that the upbringing and all the super hero images created in the mind were wrong? 

I remember reading an old story in "Dharmayug", and old Hindi Magzine, where the man, who remarried a much younger girl after his wife died, and brings sweets and 'Gajara' for his young wife every night before coming home and then they have great time - as for that wife getting those sweets and flowers were more than a reason to satisfy her man, and remain satisfied too.

Now if I generalise the concept - then this lady who talks about being felt special - was only talking about getting that equivalent before going ahead.

Someone may respect it, there is whole lot of literature on this topic too - and some other person, may call it stupid too.

And that second opinion may bother this lady. She was only trying to understand the logic behind it.

I guess the logic is simple - when a man and a woman come together, they enjoy that togetherness. Its just so natural. 

In the absence of that satisfaction, it may even lead to all sorts of complicated marital relationships, even divorce and crimes like rape. 

And its equally desired by a man and a woman both, may be with a little difference in frequency.

The other noticeable factor is that 'as an outcome of that process', the woman has the possibility of getting pregnant, and giving birth to a new life.


Now here comes the logic of all the feelings that one goes though.

- Man and woman both have sexual needs and desires as a life force and biology, which is beyond their control - one can only channelize it, and so is the system created called marriage.

- Woman have ovulation once a month, but typically not sure when - and that may be the reason of more sex drive in man to be ready (most of the time) to catch on that unknown ovulation that results into a new life. 

- Man are also more task focused, probably as they are required to do certain tasks, when the women is pregnant, or has small kids to feed.

- Woman are more emotional, as otherwise whats the convincing reason for them to go though difficulties of pregnancy and bringing up the child - they only do it as they feel - something that is created in them by mother nature.

- Why pregnancy is so difficult? health-wise - probably to prepare a women for the new life - that is going to come, and requires that strength from her to give up on self to enjoy something more - throughout her life after giving birth to a new life. 

- Why women fancy those silly things before even having fun - may be - subconsciously - to be sure that what they both are going to sign for - a possible new life - would be well supported by her partner. May be to make sure, that even if he doesn't feel her needs still he'd do things for her. 
May be to reiterate, that the birth of a new life requires her to make a lots of adjustments in her own life, and personality. And even if it can't be reversed, it can at least be compensated by her partner by making her feel special. So that she doesn't feel that she is the only person making "those" adjustments, for nothing - She not only feels satisfied, but also valued. 

And probably this force - this emotion is stressing, the mentioned lady, out. 

It was a relief for her to understand that she had not been wrong - and they both have to find a new way to accommodate this emotion required by the life forces.

At the end, I feel that we have all created societies and rules and logic - which are useful - but emotions are as natural to us as we all ourselves are. 

We may not know them, but we can just study and accept them, as we accept our own-selves. So emotions are not irrational, there is a logic behind them, many-times an unseen one.

And the last message or the conclusion of the study is - as we are figuring out many things while evolving in this world - lets not forget who/what we are - listen to that subtle inner voice - give it a room to exist - and have fun :)

Pic. source - from internet