Saw a pic on FB this morning that said - 

"Do not fear childbirth, thats the easy part .. there is no epidural for motherhood"

Yes! I agree with that .. as physical pain happens only once, and it gets healed .. but taking care of the child - and making sure that things happen right - gets tough at times .. Specially in the times of today, when many families are solo .. and even to get a helping hand means a task of making an arrangement for parents .. 

A child being an extension of self, motherhood becomes too personal at times .. 

What actually happens, that if there are things 'good' in one, for sure one wants to see it in her child.. and for things which are not good in self, one wants them also to be fixed in the child as a refinement of self .. While, there is nothing wrong in making sure that a child is raised to the best of ones abilities, the problem arises when it takes times for it to happen .. and when one is already struggling for time ..

If self is ignored, then one suffers .. and if the child is ignored, it results in guilt .. Next, family and other social pressures cause anger and frustration in one .. and seeing a lot of diversity around, and talking to people to understand things results in making one feel wrong about self .. and that's when the line 'no epidural for motherhood' sounds resonating ...

Than whats the solution? or if there is a solution at all?

Let me share this situation with you - 

My daughter, 6+ still fears getting her little finger's nails clipped .. 

She calls that finger as baby finger, and she can't see anybody doing anything to her baby finger .. 

I gave her a small nail-cutter, using which she clips nails of her hands, as a sense of achievements, so 2 out of 4 baby fingers are taken care of .. Now for remaining 2 (for foot), it still is a struggle for me ... 

Sometimes distractions work, but it doesn't also many-times .. 

Even last time when I clipped nails for her foot, it was a struggle for me, as she would keep pulling her leg back, and I can't place a nail cutter safely, and if I hold her hard, I'm scared that it'd hurt her .. If I scream, I feel bad .. and I get stressed when she cries .. 

I notice my weakness, and I know I need help at times like these ones .. 

So if I know that my husband doesn't feel emotionally so affected, for doing certain things, I ask him to take care of the same ... and there are things that even he is not able to handle it .. I plan time for that, or pause everything else at that time, and just handle it .. 

I be there in situation, with all my confidence, and pain - together .. and I tell my daughter that this is the plan, and if she is not agreeing with it, I'd just not rush to next step, or distraction .. I pause and wait for her to know that its needed .. Nobody is allowed to talk in between during those tough times .. 

[we have set a rule in the house that whenever we talk 1:1 between two people, on an important issue, other family members would not interfere]  .. 

Situations gets painful when my daughter cries, and I also feel like crying, and my husband tries controlling his temptations to distract our daughter .. 

I don't make eye contact with my husband at that time, to not to feel weak .. 

I just sit with my daughter, let her cry it out .. allow my tears also to roll-over if I'm unable to control .. and I get up only after the task is done .. 

After the task is done, or if I see her in too much stress, I ask my daughter to bring her water and drink ..and than I hug her without saying much, to comfort her .. probably to communicate that I love her .. and I's just not comfortable for her behaviour towards certain things ... 

Next, I give her food etc .. or ask my husband to take car of her, if I'm too stressed .. 

And I give her time to absorb ... 

And I give both of us the time to calm down .. 

I may not become very playful immediately, but I try to do right and needed things, in right way .. and I'd talk in positive manner .. and I care .. 

My pain actually gets healed when at a later time, say next day, she comes to me by herself and says, "Mumma! I'm sorry I cried yesterday.. I'd learn nice things." 

I love her for her acceptance .. and also tell her that its ok .. sometimes we all make mistakes, but if we learn from them, we are good .. 

I help her feel confident in that manner ... 

There are situations, when she would repeat the same a few times, and we re-live the above described cycle .. 

But then comes the time, when she learns that there is no choice, than to learn and do things right ... and she learns to do it without fear .. 

And in meantime, I also explain her the benefits of being good/doing right things in forms of stories, movies and examples .. 

And she absorbs the concept .. 

And that's the time, I feel successful as mother, and she feels proud as a child .. 

To summarise - 

Yes! handling a situation like this where logic and push doesn't actually work, I'd say that it takes time, persistence, consistency, and mental strength to actually solve it correctly .. and also de-prioritisation of many other things to be able to do so .. But its worth it ... 

Whats important to understand for an individual is that there are stages in life, and 'one' and her behaviour is ought to chance as per the changing phases of live .. 

When you get a new relationship and responsibility in your life, you have to cut down or change somethings else in your life to create a nurturing time for it .. 

Since each of us have different abilities, and support system, so there is no single formula for it .. 

But for sure a priority list is to be made and one should attend to 1st, 2nd, 3rd .. till the possible Nth thing ..... now this N can be 10, or 4 or even 1 .. and that should be accepted (by self) given the situation and time ... 

One more key to be in peace is that one should have long conversations to only people of type who bring peace and stability in state of mind than to ones who cause stress .. 

The key is if you just pause and listen to your body, and mind.. you'd find answers .. 

Finding time to pause, self-reflect and be peaceful is never optional.. 

And one got to figure out how to do so for him/her .. and just do it to understand and do right things ... 

There are things in life which are beyond logic, and are controlled by emotions .. and we should give time for emotions to exist - in positive manner ... 

Further, we should rationalise our emotions time-to-time, and find rational ways to handle and accept our emotions :)